someone im really close to asked me, "are you ready? are you really ready?" caught me by surprise. i dont think i am. she was right. i rushed myself into something i really wasnt ready for. i just wanted it so bad. sometimes when you live so long without experiencing something, without feeling something, you tend to just dive in, head-first into the black sea. then the piercing water steals your breath and makes your mind go crazy, fighting just to keep your head afloat.
thats when it hits you that maybe you should have learned to swim before jumping in the water. go figure, eh. what do i do now?
learn. before being swallowed in, i fought back, and it spit me out. then i was just laying there, cold and wet, not knowing what just happened, whether it was real, or if i would survive.
somehow, i found some pleasure of being in the water, feeling of weightlessness, feeling emotion all over you. once you stop fighting it, the water becomes so still, so tranquil, you just cant help but think how beatiful it can really be. it carries you, surrounds you, but then question or doubt it, and it turns on you. it was so nice while it lasted. maybe i can try again? "what are you going to do to be ready?" easy, do everything i didnt do, and do nothing of what i did do. for that brief moment, i felt it, the feeling ive been needing, wanting, craving. whatever it takes.
im still learning. ive also been training. i want to give it another try. im sure i can do it now. all i need now is opportunity.
this time i will float. better yet, ill actually swim. i wont know where im going, but who ever does. who knows whats lurking in those waters. doesnt matter to me. you taught me so much.
"are you ready yet? are you ready to fall in love?"
