::yawn::
usually when you have many things on your mind at once, you get very sleepy. and you crave a vacation.
sometimes it is not enough, right?
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stuck in a fantasy that you can never have. always pursuing it but never getting there. (like an asymptote right :P). why do I even bother, eh? it will never happen. I'm just hurting myself even more, and pushing you away, even more. do you even realize? or is it just wishful thinking?
I dont think it matters anymore. soon, very soon, it will be over, you will be gone. ill just have the memory. and if Im very very lucky, you wont be gone, and I will have your friendship. oh course, Im not telling you any of this. I cant. :[
do you even know how much it hurts?
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failure. what a dreadful thing. but what if that very thing defines you?
i try my hardest at everything. i do the best i can. i put forth everything i have. but i still cannot exceed. i do have high standards for myself, but i cannot live up to them.
i hate how I, in some way, can been seen as an acomplished person. smart, out-going sorta, pretty kool guy, but I can never be recognized. i always come up just a little too short. I can be so great, but I will not be seen as that. so what's the point?
my greatest failure: ability to help those around me. some people do put trust in me, count on me, come to me to help. but have i really done any good? at once i try to help, doing everything i can. but i only draw up a blank. nothing i say or do is really beneficial to anyone. my own incompetence shows up in my friends discontent. i feel that their troubles and failures are mine. forever burdening myself with their burdens.
why can't i do anything worthwhile?
