[reaction]

::this cant be happening::

2008-08-13T20:56:00.002-05:00

how can this happen... again!!!
it will ruin everything for me, my life, my future, my dreams... will crumble.

they are fighting again. and i kno i hav some influence on this. its happened before.
he said they might divorce. this cant be happening again. if it does, i might as well just give up. we'll lose the house. we'd either find an appt here, or move away. i cant handle doing that again. no! and if they do, ill hav to go to college closest to where we end up going because i cant leave my dad and brother by themself. hes only in middle skool and dad is getting old. my dreams of going to places away, moving from home, living on my own... gone.

and theyd take maya away from me. im crying just saying that. i cant go on if they take her away. id also lose the only real mom ive ever had. i never had one before her. how can she just leave all of us.

all this stress and skool starts the day after tomorrow.
cant they resolve this?
i wont be able to handle it.
i just cant.

if its over for my parents, whats the point of even trying for me anymore?

:'[
it'll be over for me

::growl::

2008-08-11T23:48:00.002-05:00

im drawing a blank

update!

2008-07-09T21:13:00.002-05:00

my blog is dying. ill probably be making a new one sooner or later. its just been very hard for me to get on the internet
______________
lets see whats been going on:
well the biggest thing was Boy's State (June 29- July 5). overall, i thought it was an amazing experience and would recommend it to any strong-willed person. and remember i said "overall". it was definately not like i expected it to be. first off, we had to march in "tight 4's" everywhere we went, and Northwestern State isnt a small campus. and while we marched, we had to chant and stuff. and they would randomly make us stop at random places, sometimes ranging from 10 mins to half and hour in the hot blazing sun. it was hotter there than here in lake charles. i think i upped about 5 skin tones since ive been there (and lost a few lbs). and the most sleep i got a nite was about 4 hours. whenver the councelor called "muster", we had to line up in the hallway. if we dont, they threaten to shave our heads! and they could call it at any time, sometimes 3 am! so pretty much you couldnt go to sleep until they said we could. and if you did, they'd 'bear' you, meaning they crowd around wherever you were sleeping and scream "BEAR!!!" really loud into your ear to wake you up. and there was always work to do, essays to write, and things to keep you busy.
there was a dance at the end of the week. one thing we had to do was trade our boys state shirts for a girls state shirt at the dance, and there was a prize to whoever got the biggest shirt. i think the biggest one anyone got was a XXXL. thats pretty big. and there was an even bigger prize if you came bak with panties. and yes some ppl did get panties, including one of my parish councelors xD. on the last day of work, there was a firework show. one of the most amazing fireworks i had ever seen! i think i might want to take a trip there every 4th of july just to see it.

the whole expericence awarded me with great new friends, a better sense of how government and politics work, and a better view of myself, what i am capable of, and the importance of every single individual. ^^
_____________
on july 13, i will be going to disneyworld! i am so excited to be going again. and it will be maya's first trip to disney world. the hard part is getting it all worked out. trying to find the best hotel (factoring in location, amenities, price, availability and condition), finding the right tickets and prices, etc. but im sure it will all be worth it. i will have updates when i get there so look forward to them ^^
_____________
my ongoing academic/college search is beginning to narrow down. i decided to try and get into rice university because of the location, price, friends, and its reputation. the only thing holding me back is the majors. it doesnt have nursing and that has been my main focus for so long. if i find that the major is what i am really after, then i decided to try university of houston or something similar/closer which has an excellent nursing program there.
a bit more recently, high school is coming to an end and this upcoming senior year is bringing in good and bad expectations. i have enrolled in classes at 3 campuses, barbe, mcneese, and lcb academy. pretty hectic, but i kno what im getting myself into and i really want to do it. most of my frieds hav graduated, and some of them are moving away for colleges near and not so near so thats a bummer. but i kno i will always hav my friends support close by ^^. and i am really looking forward to being barbe's mu alpha theta math team president. i have so many expectations and i kno it will be a great year. all i need now is for my schedule to work out.
______________
i am happy to say that i have grown, and that i have figured more things out. loose ends are, for the most part, tied up. the past is now actually becoming "past" to me now. and i can say now that i have moved on. im becoming more and more myself than i ever have been before. just need a little bit of polishing :]. i just hope that this will bring more relationships, more friends, more fun, and better self-esteem which i seem to have been lacking for about 16 years. i look at myself and feel proud of the progress ive made, and the path i am now on. i have put all my past feeling away and now accepting new ones. i no longer have the grudges i once had for some ppl. i dont hate, envy, or dwell with certain ppl anymore.
i hope my friends, and other significant people in my life, can also look at me and be proud. for once, i do something for myself, to better myself, instead of using myself as a pawn for others.
this, i think, is the biggest accomplishment of this summer.

all i need now, to top it all off, is that crazy four-letter word...

<3

the overcrowded mind

2008-04-06T23:34:00.003-05:00

::yawn::
usually when you have many things on your mind at once, you get very sleepy. and you crave a vacation.
sometimes it is not enough, right?
__________
stuck in a fantasy that you can never have. always pursuing it but never getting there. (like an asymptote right :P). why do I even bother, eh? it will never happen. I'm just hurting myself even more, and pushing you away, even more. do you even realize? or is it just wishful thinking?

I dont think it matters anymore. soon, very soon, it will be over, you will be gone. ill just have the memory. and if Im very very lucky, you wont be gone, and I will have your friendship. oh course, Im not telling you any of this. I cant. :[

do you even know how much it hurts?
__________
failure. what a dreadful thing. but what if that very thing defines you?
i try my hardest at everything. i do the best i can. i put forth everything i have. but i still cannot exceed. i do have high standards for myself, but i cannot live up to them.

i hate how I, in some way, can been seen as an acomplished person. smart, out-going sorta, pretty kool guy, but I can never be recognized. i always come up just a little too short. I can be so great, but I will not be seen as that. so what's the point?

my greatest failure: ability to help those around me. some people do put trust in me, count on me, come to me to help. but have i really done any good? at once i try to help, doing everything i can. but i only draw up a blank. nothing i say or do is really beneficial to anyone. my own incompetence shows up in my friends discontent. i feel that their troubles and failures are mine. forever burdening myself with their burdens.

why can't i do anything worthwhile?

so many problems

2008-03-03T23:17:00.002-06:00

i dont just have that one problem you know. that's just the most immediate and recent. i have a bigger problem or two. i just havnt necessarily talked about those. i just dont want anyone to assume that if im feeling down or you think i am, its not just because of that same one problem.

myb ill talk about it later.

but im tired.

and wasting time that i could be using to finish my world history and reading the poisonwood bible

listo

2008-02-21T19:36:00.003-06:00

someone im really close to asked me, "are you ready? are you really ready?" caught me by surprise. i dont think i am. she was right. i rushed myself into something i really wasnt ready for. i just wanted it so bad. sometimes when you live so long without experiencing something, without feeling something, you tend to just dive in, head-first into the black sea. then the piercing water steals your breath and makes your mind go crazy, fighting just to keep your head afloat.

thats when it hits you that maybe you should have learned to swim before jumping in the water. go figure, eh. what do i do now?
learn. before being swallowed in, i fought back, and it spit me out. then i was just laying there, cold and wet, not knowing what just happened, whether it was real, or if i would survive.

somehow, i found some pleasure of being in the water, feeling of weightlessness, feeling emotion all over you. once you stop fighting it, the water becomes so still, so tranquil, you just cant help but think how beatiful it can really be. it carries you, surrounds you, but then question or doubt it, and it turns on you. it was so nice while it lasted. maybe i can try again? "what are you going to do to be ready?" easy, do everything i didnt do, and do nothing of what i did do. for that brief moment, i felt it, the feeling ive been needing, wanting, craving. whatever it takes.

im still learning. ive also been training. i want to give it another try. im sure i can do it now. all i need now is opportunity.
this time i will float. better yet, ill actually swim. i wont know where im going, but who ever does. who knows whats lurking in those waters. doesnt matter to me. you taught me so much.

"are you ready yet? are you ready to fall in love?"

quiver, quiver ( :P )

2008-02-20T22:30:00.001-06:00

you suck!

no not really. but you are just there. always.
ack temptation. and you have no idea (i think).
i know its just a pipe dream, but i wont tell you.
in risk of awkward situations, uneasiness, grudges... yada yada.

i hate how it will never be.
i love that you are there.
i avoid you.
i always want to be around you.

but just forget it.
itll never be.

still not phased.

will you give me something? anything? at all?

mr. lonely

2008-02-20T22:17:00.002-06:00

the only thing keeping me from truly declaring my life is content and i am completely happy with everything.
its what keeps me up all night.
keeps me "not" doing my homework just sitting there thinking about how much better the situation could be.
keeps me hugging my pillow for hours.
keeps me distracted when i could be studying for something useful.

still unphased, and going strong.
i hold this title with hopes of changing it.

lonely doesnt have to be so denotely put.

single sounds better.

i need to talk to you...

2008-02-20T21:48:00.002-06:00

... why am i hesitating?

nothing bad. or that controversial. just need to get things out there ya' know. many things have bothered me. but ive been holding it in.
ive evolved, changed, grown, strengthened. so its not eating away at me. but i just want to know, need to know. but hesitation.

it was not my intention to never talk to you again. you said we can still talk and stuff. just simple conversation like i would with any of my friends. what happened? i am sorry for that. ive screwed up many things but i am different now. i will never ask for a second chance. i now how it is now.
but i want us to talk again. i miss you. i dont care about last year. well i do, but its not holding me any more.

thats whats been bothereing me though, last year, but again, not holding me. just curious. and i like hearing from you. liked being around you without feeling ackward.

i dont know what last year meant to you, but i hope you dont forget me. because i havnt forgotten you yet. hasnt escaped my mind for even one day for over a year by now.

oops.... i hope nothing i said makes you feel obliged to do anything, or broach guilt in any way. dont worry about anything.
maybe if im lucky, we will talk again.

:]

TAG!!! You're it!

2008-02-07T23:08:00.000-06:00

Because you're bored and have stumbled upon this... TAG!

That's right, tag. As in: Tag, you're it. And you are. As of right now.

Here's how you play:

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment ("You're It") and to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers!

1) My longest routine in the morning is doing my hair... of course

2) I take all these hard classes to distinguish myself, to challenge myself, and because I have no idea where my life is heading, better prepare for it anyway right?

3) I have issues talking on phones, idk why. I'd rather talk directly to ppl, but... idk :/.

4) I can't wait for the freedoms and liberties that come with being at college and away from home

5) My freshman year made me realize who I am.

6) My sophomore year turned my life around completely.

7) My junior year tied up most of my loose ends.

8) Im not as smart as people see me. It's hard to explain.

9) I suck in relationships

10) I don't ask for anything, I don't have a lot (not material), but I seen recognition because of what I lack, but it translates as cockiness and stupidity :[.

I TAG : (i dont know anyone else with blogs)

1)Aaron

2)Kaylyn

3)Rachel

4)Sadie

5)Hair Bear

If u guys hav blogs
6)Vicky <3

7)Steph ^^

8) Coco

9)Zerhow (yao wo)

10)Um....... blah

Damn it, hormones!!!

2008-02-05T19:29:00.000-06:00

those damn things are draining me (no pun intended).

ive gotten so far and im so happy... proud. now i can tie up 'most' of the loose ends. except for the one thing hindering it all.

sometimes you cant always pretend like you're having fun. Like its all just a game.
sometimes you cant always hide it. Like no one will see it.

_________

but its soo pointless. the situation is unfavoring (if thats a word). and a little ironic.

i wont give it up even though i should. not bc its all i have. bc its, in a way, helpful.
this isnt a game. this isnt going away.

and as usual.... my posts all sound like crap

Alone for Christmas, yet again

2007-12-26T00:07:00.000-06:00

How many Christmas nights though? I've already been through 16.

I don't want to end up being some weird guy who is alone his whole life, stays home, and watches crime show marathons and ridiculous animated shows.

I feel like I am at least a person that will go to college and possibly, just maybe, be somewhat successful with at least that. But I don't feel like I am a person that will really branch out. Lonesome is such a terrible feeling.

I want to be a person that people need. A person who means something to someone, with a purpose. Not just a person who can only dream of being the person he really wants to be. Dreams are assholes.

I wonder what happiness is like?

Dude... SHUT UP!!! Look at what you did. Aren't you proud of yourself? Look at how you feel now. Doesn't that mean anything? Anything at all? It meant something to me. You're so close. Don't throw it away. Please.

happy aniversary

2007-12-17T23:28:00.000-06:00

ah such happy times aren't they. days like this signify people's love of each other, being together through time. its amazing. they are so adorable.

Damn!

...it seems nice. celebrating an aniversary.

really nice

turkey and unity

2007-11-23T00:16:00.000-06:00

turkey was pretty good today ^^. i enjoyed it even though we had to leave early. but i noticed, like i did last year, that the families here are very not unified as the holiday signifies. my cousins are great. and they are polar in a way. one cousin, on my side, is filipino. the other not. they decided to host thanksgiving dinner this year. and like last year at my other cousins thanksgiving dinner, the two families of each of my cousins were very separate. one family in the dining room, the other in the living room. irony. its suppose to be everyone, together, mixed, around one table, eating together, conversing with each other. i always wanted to know why. none of us have anything against one another. and we do live in a world today where these kind of situations (racial differences) are bypassed (except for some extreme cases). everyone was warm to each other, just in separate rooms. but why is that? i cant figure it out. we're not that different. no grudges. just a family coming together in the same house to celebrate thanksgiving. maybe someone can help me? :/

sueno

2007-11-21T20:54:00.000-06:00

i have been sleeping all day. it sucks. it was actually more like... lots of naps. like... id lay down, sleep, wake up, go back to sleep maybe 10 minutes later. anyway... the thing is, i had the same dream every time. and i have had this dream several times previously. i cant get it out of my head. its just a stupid dream that will never happen. never. even if the situation arose, i wouldnt let it happen. i wont let that happen again. everything i had to go through. never again. i still have some of the same feelings, and wish that something like that will happen, but its too much. i dont want it anymore.

just go away. let me sleep. let me have other dreams, dreams that might actually come true. dreams that wont make me cry when i wake up.

<3

What if...

2007-11-21T00:48:00.000-06:00

i hate all these "what if..." questions that have been coming up lately. why can't i just forget them. they're useless questions that aren't doing any good for me lately. all they have done so far are give me these nostalgic dreams that make me cry when i wake up the next morning. it's not like i can go back and fix things. its not like i can just wish upon a star and suddenly everything is just the way i want them to be. i have to get over it. stop acting so immature. enjoy what's happening to me right now. look forward to ~~better~~ other things. take what I learned from those past times and use them to make sure I don't err again.

you're starting to get it. who knows, you may actually get what you have been longing for afterall. and when you do... i know you will be able to keep it, cherish it, feed it. then those "dreams" can be realities. and you know what, there are people out there who want to "make your dreams come true." you just have to let them. you know that. you heard that. and you won't miss it again.

~~But what if...?~~

Smile

2007-11-08T00:06:00.000-06:00

How come I cannot smile anymore?

I am always thinking about something. I have become so stupid, so annoying. I said I was not going to be that. What the hell are you doing?

I cannot get over things. I let too many things weigh me down. Stop it!

I am being irrational. Get it right!

It is over. It is past. Do not worry about it anymore. It was b.s. Do not throw everything away because the first time did not work out. But, if this is what my life is destined to be like, there is no use.

Shut up! That was once. I understand you are hurt. So put on a bandage, kiss it, and keep going! But it will always happent.

No it will not! But there is nothing I can do about it. I am screwed.

You are right, there is nothing you can do about it; so why do you keep complaining?! You are not screwed. But how can I fix this if, besides that thing, everything is holding me back.

What is to fix?! You are being paranoid. You are letting stupid thoughts that are not yours get control of you. They are lies. You cannot possible believe them. But look at it, everything is going wrong for me. Look at where I am.

No, you are wrong. The main thing you need to get over is yourself, get over what happened, get over what you "think" is happening. Once you do that, look back and tell me if that is still the same thing you see. But...

No! Shut the f*** up! Listen to me! Only me. Not whoever else that is telling you all those lies. Just shut up and listen to me!

Smile. <:[
Smile. <:/
Smile. :/
Smile. :
Smile. ...?

[full moon]

2007-06-30T23:58:00.000-05:00

oh how beautiful the night was last night while i was star fishing.
the sky was so clear, the moon was so bright, the stars so amazing.
then the storm comes in.
the sky tonight was covered with clouds.
so not perfect for star fishing.

[errr...]

2007-06-28T20:01:00.000-05:00

im finally free after almost 3 effin' weeks. its blown over... but not forgotten. i still cant really talk to him the same way and ive never hugged him goodnight or goodbye for anything. and things are still bitter. but i wont apologize. never.

on other notes...

we close this new house we got tomorrow. its an ok house. i didnt think we really needed it... and they used my Mu Alpha Theta Nationals money to help buy it. and i still havnt forgiven them for that. but the good news is, for the first time, in my entire life, i get a room for myself. i never had my own room before. its pretty kool. im sure all of you are going "damn" but yea... thats how limited my life is.
i finished driver's ed yesterday. im a horrible driver. dont let me drive you anywhere. at least not until i get more experience. what i really need to work on are my turns. ack turning too soon or too late or too wide or too narrow or turn the wheel too fast or too slow or not enough or too much. damn ><.
well i applied for my first job a while back. i doubt ill get them. its at l'auberge du lac hotel and casino. i applied for bus boy at asia, foodserver at le cafe, and host at le beaucoup. heh they still didnt contact me so i doubt ill get it. i mean... im still actually 15. i dont turn 16 for a while.
ack schedule conflicts. damn. i requested ap eng 4 gft, precal gft, phy adv, ap wrld hist gft, spn 3, ap chem 2, ap chem 2 lab. of course that wouldnt work out. nester called me today to work it out. she said she tried as hard as she could to make it work but it just wouldnt no matter what she did. i had to either phase down to eng 4 adv or precal adv or take out wrld hist or phy adv. damn it. i wanted to just drop wrld hist, but she said it still wouldnt work. so i took out phy and said ill move that until senior year. and in its place... i have to take health for first semester and work in the office the second semester x_X.
i got a letter today for an interview. some program will give you aid including : tuition and fees, room and board, books and supplies, transportation allowance, and misc personal expenses. that is a lot of money. and they said i can use it to any college i want and they are offering assistance in choosing a college, filling out forms for the aid and college, career planning, ACT/SAT prep, and help with educational strategies to help transitioning into college. i think thats huge. so im calling to reserve my times for the interview. so... cross your fingers for me and my other friends taking this opportunity ^^.

well... at least im finally free. i need to get out. im so... emotionally messed up. so much other stuff is going on too. but i know i'll be ok, though my skies are turning gray...

[shooting star]

2007-06-25T21:43:00.000-05:00

... because stars dont fall for me.

[changes]

2007-06-22T22:40:00.000-05:00

ack times are changing. people are leaving. high school is ending. college is nearing. tempers are rising.
nothing will be the same will it. just takes some getting used to i guess.
the only thing is... is it changing for the best? maybe. even though we may not like it. if i may not like it.
we'll all be separating. flying in all our own directions. wings taking us wherever. just remember, its still the same sky. dont forget me. because i'll never forget any of you.
<:]?

[crawling]

2007-06-17T00:18:00.000-05:00

i really dont know. kind of a lot of stuff all at once. too much stuff at once.

first off, my dad. that stupid fight. he told me to apologize for what i did. NO WAY! i refuse. at least until he figures it out and apologizes to me first. he just doesn't get it. he never has. and he never listens when i try to tell him. even when my counselor tried to tell him.
he even has to go and throw stuff at me and yell at me like a madman. saying that i changed ever since i became, and i quote, "a stupid faggot." that... ########. like it was helping. and trying to cut me off from my friends isnt 'teaching' me anything. all it is doing is making me even angrier. happy fucking father's day my ass ><.

another thing is school. my mind has been shifting non-stop about the future. i dont know what the hell i want to be years from now. i cant just say i want to be this because later on i may want to be something else. the least dad could do is support me or at least be happy. but no. it isnt about me. its about him. he says he doesnt want me to, quote again, "fuck up your life." i know what im doing. im not stupid. and... its my decision. not his. if i didnt want to go to college (which i do want to go), i wont. the point is he cant make the decisions for me like he always has. im sick of him always making all my decisions.

ack so much stuff craming into my head i cant think straight lately. driving me to do things i promised to myself and other people that i wouldnt do. i couldnt help it ><.

[for once, not an emo post]

2007-06-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

ahh the act was fun. hah. you know me, i think tests, and school work, and stuff like that is fun xD. the questions were all really really easy. the only hard part is the time limits. but i answered most of them. oh i cant wait for my results. im hoping for at least a 30. im feeling very confident right now. and that is rare. because recently, as you noticed, i havnt been feeling to well.

so...
;]

[ACT]

2007-06-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

act tomorrow morning at 8 am at lagrange. x_X

dun dun dun...

[??]

2007-06-05T23:27:00.000-05:00

AHHHH
laflkjsdrfnlekvuyoanaaelkrnalviu!!!!!
><

get out
get out
GeT ouT
GeT ouT
GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

ERGGGG
i cant take it anymore
><
i cant help feeling this way
nothing is right anymore

whats happening?

[?]

2007-06-05T22:36:00.000-05:00

???
i really dont know.
im so confused.
nothings wrong.
but everything is wrong.
why cant i ever figure these things out.
what the hell is going on with me???

i wish someone can help me.
help me figure things out.
but i dont know if anyone can.
if i cant figure it out... if i cant figure myself out.

what the f*** is wrong with me???

>< AAAHHHHHHHH

[newfound tears]

2007-06-03T23:30:00.000-05:00

where did these tears come from. i dont know. it just suddenly came to me, that urge to cry. i dont even know what i was thinking when the tears came. they just came to me.

where could they have come from?

is it that my dad can no longer look me in the face again. or my mom is taking everything she does not understand and using it aainst me. or is it the pressure finally getting to me, knowing im gettin older and that nothing will be the same again. or because i am haunted again by this dreadful mirror.

or is it that...

[bad hair day]

2007-06-01T20:46:00.000-05:00

i hate looking in my mirror. im always hiding myself from looking at the way i am now. >,<. i even drove myself to wear this stupid jacket so i, and anyone else, wouldnt have to see what i see everyday...

... but last night. a really good friend of mine that ive known since second grade told me something. she told me maybe i dont see what everyone else sees. maybe im looking at things the completely wrong way. oh how she makes me feel so much better.

i look in the mirror and see that its not impossible. but there is some things that mirrors cant show. and what it doenst show me will be harder to fix. all my life i have been screwing things up. i swore to myself that i would change. i believe in second chances. but im already on my third chance. and its happening again. i feel that im pushing people away. early on, because i seclude myself. because im shy. then later on bc i get annoying. i dont know why im like this. ive lost friends before. i dont want to lose anyone.

[not ready]

2007-05-31T23:26:00.000-05:00

i thought since its summer, i wouldnt have to worry too much about school. but its been on my mind a lot lately. my mind is always stuck on school. summer assignments, schedules, courses, college ::shudder::. this is why i decided not to graduate a year early. im not ready for all this stuff :[.

im not ready for a lot of things also. like when i wasnt ready to tell my dad my secrets. not ready to talk to the counselor about my problem. not ready...

[lo siento]

2007-05-31T01:08:00.000-05:00

i just got back from pensacola. really boring, but besides the point. on the way back, it was storming. like it has been for a while. oh what a fantastic light show. aside from the red and white car lights going in both directions, and the interlude of highway exit's mcdonalds and motel 6 signs... the sky, being sliced by never ending lightning. it was amazing. something i used to be afraid of. used to cuddle under my covers when i saw it, now left me transfixed to my window.

thats when it happens. its moments like this when i start to think more about things. as if i dont think about things too much already ><. i had 3 people already tell me im being so emo lately. i realize it to. i have been. before, i told myself i wouldnt be like that. not anymore.

just thinking about old times. when some things started and other ended. and how things are now. diffent. always differnt. good, bad, You tell me.

just thinking about how lucky some people are. and how im not so lucky. i never have been lucky really. though, some pretty lucky things have happened to me this year. really great things. but, as usual, things change, and those great things dont stay to great. fluctuations (spelling is wrong i think... too sleepy to look it up) up and down. always my fault. it always has been i guess. ill make it up to You. ill try. before its too late.

and if i miss that deadline, the only thing i can say, besides goodbye, is im sorry. im sorry for everything. for everything i did, and everything i didnt do (cliche!!! w/e). im sorry.
<3

[gracias rachel]

2007-05-29T00:59:00.000-05:00

i finally got my templates working. thanks to the best-ever rachel ^^. much love mwahh <333
it only took me until 1 am to do it... so... tomorrow x_X ill start posting :P. sorry you'll just have to wait.

[unspoken-unheard]

2007-05-01T02:36:00.000-05:00

i have decided the start this blog because i do have thoughts of my own. thoughts that many may not be aware of. thoughts hidden. thoughts wanting to be out. i find this might be a step up from my little green journal i keep with me at all times whenever that time comes when i need to get something out of my head. so maybe this blog may become a published copy of my 'secret' journal that i know you guys have been trying to get into.

since its late and im just starting out, im not going to be posting for just a little while. just until i get just the right template and figure out how everything works on here.